Your FFT

Brene Brown just launched her new podcast, Unlocking Us. Her first episode was about FFT’s — Fucking First Times — how everything is so much harder the first time you do it. Guess what? We are all going through one big giant FFT with this whole homeschooling while WFH fiasco. Here are her tips to make FFT’s a little less painful Name it. Just recognizing that this is a FFT (and will suck) helps. Name all the feelings. That gives you power over them. Gain perspective. This cr

What is this an opportunity for?

Now that you are adjusting a bit to your new normal, it’s a time to ask yourself — ‘How do I want to be different after all of this?’ I’ll go first. I want to . . . Teach Chloe to code and cook Have an amazing garden Tighten up my nutrition Be closer to my friends in other cities Be closer to Joe Appreciate simple things, like hikes and just cuddle with kids The world will surely be different. How will you? #covid19 #reframing #mindset

Ask Before Freaking Out

Last week, I had to make a last-minute trip out to SF for an accelerator interview. I booked my flights, rearranged a bunch of meetings, and was psyched.  Then I saw a note in Rowan’s backpack: “Just a reminder that you are the mystery reader for the class on Wednesday.” I have no idea how this fell off my calendar. Guilt rushed in. I had been looking forward to this for months.  I took a deep breath and sent a simple email to his teacher explaining the last-minute trip and

My Type of Parenting Method—CTFD

I often get asked what the ideal parenting method is. My new favorite is CTFD, which stands for “Calm the F*ck Down.” (Hint, it’s directed at you, not your kids.) The idea is that no matter how you choose to parent, your kids will grow up fine. Let’s see it in action: Worried that your neighbor’s kid is walking way before yours? Calm the f*ck down. Concerned that your kids misbehave in public? Calm the f*ck down. Stressed that you aren’t the parent you thought you’d be? Calm

What’s the world telling me?

Last week I had ‘a day.’ You know those days that by noon you’ve had a week’s worth of bad things happen to you? Ugh. Nayef, on my team, gave me great advice: “When things like this happen, I reframe. Instead of thinking the universe is against me, I ask myself, what is the universe trying to tell me? What am I not seeing that I need to be knocked into my head?” I wiped the tears. Took a deep breath. And, brainstormed what major shifts in thinking I needed to make. In the nex

Notice the headwinds

So often we notice the headwinds in our life—what is making things harder for us. Raising money is harder as a woman. Mommy bias is the most prominent bias in the workforce. When was the last time you noticed what is pushing you forward? Studies show that we are far more likely to notice your headwinds than your tailwinds. Today, make a list of all the things that you have in your favor. Here are a few of mine: Joe and my in-laws are insanely helpful. I have a true tribe lovi

Embody your best self

Recently, I’ve been having some important meetings where I need to impress. A new trick has been helping me nail these conversations. I remember a time when I was my best—presenting in front of 1,500 people this summer when I nailed it. Then I embody that Kari. I play entrance music in my headphones. I feel that rush of confidence exuding from my chest. I even (don’t laugh) strut around the block feeling the show lights on me. The result? I show up as that Kari. It feels so g

Empathy Mapping

Have a big conversation that you are nervous about with your boss or partner? Try empathy mapping. Basically, you put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think through the following: Map out their why: What are their biggest concerns right now? Predict: What will they think? What reactions will they have? Reframe: What will be your response to each of their reactions? How can you reframe what you want as something that they want too? Do this for any major conversation

I'm Stuck with My Feelings

Week 2 of my 30-day digital detox is done. I've been far from perfect, slipping into a few old habits when I was sick earlier this week. But, I'm proud of cutting out 95% of my digital distractions. I've been shocked at how much more I'm forced to sit with my feelings. I use blogs, Instagram, and podcasts to not feel. A negative emotion comes up (whether that's stress, boredom, embarrassment, or sadness), and I want. On. My. Phone. In the absence of these digital distr

Own Your Mistakes

I just saw Carter Cast, the former CEO of Walmart.com and author of The Right (and Wrong) Stuff, speak. He spent years researching why people failed (or not) in their careers. What was shocking to me was how many times in his career he had setbacks. He was kicked off teams and told he was under-performing in reviews. However, obviously he was successful. A big part of this was owning his mistakes. In fact, research shows that if you own the reason for your derailment vers

Let Them Rise to the Occasion

One of the incredible working moms I interviewed to form the basis of the Uplift program was Tiffany Dufu, the founder of The Cru and author of Drop the Ball. She told this story that she shares with new moms: At the end of my book tour, I went to thank my husband for the sleep he lost because I was traveling so much. We usually tag-team the mornings. When he travels, I wake up an hour earlier. I assumed that he did the same. He told me, ‘I didn’t lose any sleep in 2017.’

Life is All Too Short

If you want a reminder that life is short, fit it all on a sheet of paper. The image below has a circle represent each month of a 90 year life. How full is yours? To make it feel even shorter, you most likely spent 93% of the time you will spend with your parents by the time you graduated high school. Just let that sit for a minute when you start thinking about your kids. Yes, I am tearing up typing this. I'm not trying to be Debbie downer here, but to encourage you—Sei

Play Patriarchy Chicken

Here's a new game to play on your commute to work—patriarchy chicken. Just refuse to get out of the way for men as you walk along. (Note, this is for walking commutes, not driving. Please no car chicken here!) Usually, as a woman, you find yourself dodging walls of men. Men have been socialized to take up space and women to adapt. Trust me, there will be a few collisions, but practicing this on something as low-risk as your commute builds your ability to do stand your

Stop yourself (with a little help)

Ugh. I've become addicted to my phone again. I recently have found myself lost in email when I want to be playing with my kids. Not disconnecting has also started to burn me out and mess with my sleep. To counter this, I've started being intentional about when I am going to check email. I only do it when I can actually address issues, so I don't have to-do items swirling in my head. My lo-fi trick? A simple rubber band. This creates a bumper that reminds me to think abo

Life is Tetris. Stop Playing Chess

Being obsessed with my new perspective around life being a game, I came across a mind-expanding article: Life is Tetris, Stop Playing Chess. Here's the skim: Just like in Tetris, your only real opponent is yourself. Try to improve versus where you were yesterday versus focusing on outplaying the people around you. You can't see into the future—just the block ahead. Focus on making the best decision for where you are right now. The act of playing itself is what's fun about

You're Just Playing a New Game

This week an incredible woman, Dr. Kuno (founder of a public biotech company and the non-profit, Halcyon) completely changed my perspective for the better. I was asking her advice on handling the hard parts of starting a company. She completely reframed it—"You are learning how to play a new game." This shifted my outlook. I love games. Challenges in games spark creativity and sheer will, not overwhelm. They are fun, not draining. You are learning and growing. This analogy al

See What You Want to See

The brain can only process 40 bits of information per second even though it receives 11 million per second through all its nerve endings. Let's use this to our advantage. Which 40 bits do you pay attention to? Do you notice the opportunities around you or the limitations? The acts of kindness or the actions of spite? The beauty or the grime? Act small today. When you are walking down the street, try to notice three things that bring you joy, whether it's a warm smile fro

TGIF!

Who loves Fridays? Hell, yes. Studies show that we enjoy Friday (and the anticipation of the weekend) more than any other day of the week, including the weekend itself. So today, just take a moment to savor the day thoroughly: What amazing things did you accomplish this week? What are you looking forward to this weekend? What can you do for yourself today? Because the awesomeness of Friday only comes once a week. T.G.I.F. #gratitude #mindset

Stop and Buy this Book

I'm obsessed with Shonda Rhimes' Year of Yes. If you don't have this book, get it immediately. She's such a badass working mom. Here is a favorite passage that I read yesterday: Women are praised for traits that generally render them invisible. The culprit is the language generally used to praise women, especially mothers...She sacrificed everything for her children. She thought about everyone but herself. She gave up everything for us.... Greeting card companies are b

Be Your Own Inspiration

Over the past year, I have gained 15 pounds. I suffered from the stress of starting a new company, back issues preventing workouts, and experiments with different food choices for my gut. I am committed to losing this. I started looking at before and after photos online for inspiration but wasn't connecting since situations and bodies are so different. Then I realized I could be my own inspiration. I lost over 45 pounds after the birth of Rowan. I could lose 15. I crea